YOU HAVE TO LIVE IT TO LEARN IT

Season One | Post 6

We don’t simply think our way into being more loving.We live our way into it.

In the last post, we explored how focused attention practices—those Train the Mind exercises—literally rewire our neural pathways. But here’s what I’ve learned: changing how we think is only half the equation. The other half is changing how we act.

I can read all the quotes about compassion, wisdom, and generosity. I can even journal about them. But if I don’t practice embodying those values in real life, they remain theoretical—more idea than transformation.

That’s where the Influence Reality exercises come in—the action-based practices you’ll find alongside the contemplative ones. These behavior-based practices are designed to pull wisdom off the page and into your Tuesday afternoon. They’re not about being perfect; they’re about interrupting your old rhythms with small, purposeful acts that say, “I’m becoming someone new.”

Think of it this way:

Train the Mind practices rewire your inner landscape.

Influence Reality practices reshape your outer engagement.

Together, they create the conditions for a transformation that runs deeper than either could achieve alone.

Why Is Action So Important Neurobiologically?

I know I sound like a broken record—but this part really matters.

Action doesn’t just reflect what we believe; it reinforces and rewires it.

Neuroplasticity isn’t just about what you think—it’s about what you do.When you act in new ways—especially ways that align with love, generosity, and wisdom—your brain lays down new tracks. And over time, those tracks become the highways your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors travel on.

This is why contemplative traditions have always paired inner practices with outer service. They understood something neuroscience now confirms: we become what we repeatedly do, not just what we repeatedly think.

But there's another dimension to this that's especially relevant today: our lives have become incredibly sedentary, and that physical stillness affects our capacity for change.

During COVID, I was stunned to see my daily steps drop to 2–3 thousand. Some days, I was barely moving. A motionless life actually fuels fatigue—because your mitochondria, the cells responsible for energy production, aren't being activated. There’s no spark in the system.

And when our bodies are sluggish, our minds often follow.

When we’re too tired to get off the couch, it’s hard to envision—let alone embody—a different kind of world.

Cue Ben & Jerry’s and the slow slide into stagnation.

This is why the mind-body connection in spiritual formation isn’t just poetic—it’s practical.

Living differently starts with moving differently.

Our physical engagement with the world shapes our neural patterns just as surely as our mental attention does.

Which raises a deeper question: What are we moving toward?

Are we just reacting, or are we living with purpose?

There’s that telos idea again: the ultimate aim.

Are we actively participating in the renewal of the world—or just scrolling through it?

Why Is Action So Important Spiritually?

I come from a tradition that talks a lot about the importance of doing. I’ve heard these pithy lines my whole life:

• “Faith without action is dead.”

• “Let your light shine.”

• “If you want to be like Jesus, act like Jesus.”

  
  

And while those phrases can sometimes feel oversimplified, I’ve come to believe that action is part of something much more profound:

Co-creation.

I know—that can sound dramatic. Maybe even idealistic or self-important. Humans being co-creators with God?

But hear me out.

In the origin story of the Bible, humans are invited to name creatures, tend gardens, and fill the earth. From the very beginning, we were entrusted with the ability to shape this reality through how we live within it.

The Hebrew concept of tikkun olam—repairing the world—suggests that our actions aren't just personal moral choices; they’re participation in the ongoing work of creation itself.

Our actions matter.

Literally. Spiritually.

So I ask myself regularly:

How am I taking this body out for a spin?

Am I influencing my little corner of the world for good—or simply reacting out of habit?

Because what I do with my body is not separate from what I believe with my mind or feel in my spirit. They’re all shaping each other—moment by moment, choice by choice.

And this is where I return to one of my favorite ideas:

Love can become embedded in muscle memory.

When practiced regularly, even simple acts of kindness, service, presence, and compassion begin to feel more natural. They’re no longer just aspirations; they become reflexes.

The neural pathways we’ve been building through focused attention begin expressing themselves through our hands, our feet, and our presence in the world.

That’s the long game of formation:

Love becomes what your body naturally knows to do.

Where I Get Stuck

Even though I believe all of this—I still get stuck.

I suffer from procrastination paralysis. I know the good I ought to do, but many days I don’t do it. I think:

• “I’ll get around to visiting my widowed neighbor.”

• “At Thanksgiving, we should really repurpose the day for something meaningful…”

• “After New Year’s, I’ll finally start volunteering.”

  
  

When my mind is distracted or disoriented, my body tends to follow.

Which is why Train the Mind practices are so vital—they shape what I believe is worth showing up for. When my attention is scattered, my actions become scattered too.

But when the mind and body begin to move together toward love, something shifts.The gap between who I am and who I long to be gets smaller.

Here’s what I’m learning: even when we begin to integrate inner attention and outer action, something deeper is still needed.

We need practices that engage not just our minds and bodies, but also our imagination, memory, and emotion. We need experiences that shape us at the level of desire.

And perhaps most importantly—we need to do this work with others.

Because transformation—real, lasting transformation—was never meant to be a solo project.

I can't just think my way into a new life. I have to live it to learn it. And increasingly, I'm discovering that I have to live it with others to sustain it.

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In the next post, we’ll explore how immersive guided journeys—like the 40 Days experience—take spiritual formation even deeper. These practices don’t just engage your thoughts or behaviors; they invite your imagination, memory, and emotion into the process of transformation. And while they can be done individually, they are most powerful when experienced in community.

Why? Because neuroscience and spiritual tradition agree:

We are shaped by the people we journey with. The emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology confirms what ancient wisdom has always taught—our nervous systems literally respond to one another. When two or more gather to pursue love, truth, and wisdom together, transformation is amplified.