THE QUESTION THAT CHANGES EVERYTHING
- TELOS&today
- Jun 30
- 3 min read
Updated: 3 days ago
Season One | Post 2
Why do we exist?
I used to ask my students this question that changes everything and loved watching their faces shift—from casual curiosity to something more urgent. Because here’s what I’ve learned after decades of studying human well-being: if you wake up each morning unable to answer that question, no amount of green smoothies or meditation apps will help you flourish.
You need to know your why.
In ancient Greek, the word telos means ultimate aim or purpose—the thing toward which something is directed. It’s not just about what you want. It’s about what you’re becoming.
When Meaning Becomes the Missing Piece
In my last years as a professor, I taught a course on human flourishing. We explored six key variables that determine whether someone thrives or merely survives: social connection, physical health, emotional regulation, cognitive engagement, spiritual depth, and meaning-making.
But here’s what fascinated me: meaning and spirituality weren’t just two items on the wheel. They were the tuning fork for everything else. These two variables working in tandem provide humans the foundation needed to feel whole and experience flourishing.
Picture a compass spinning wildly because it’s lost its magnetic north. That’s what happens to human well-being when we lose our sense of ultimate purpose—our telos.
This was exactly what had happened to me during those years of mental hijacking I described in my first post. I was consuming content that rewired my brain toward cynicism. But I’d also lost something deeper: my sense of where I was headed and why it mattered.
The Scattering
Here’s where it gets complicated.
In our reaction against harmful ideologies and authoritarian leaders who’ve weaponized religion and purpose, we’ve swung toward radical individualism. “You do you” became our cultural motto. Everyone gets to define their own meaning, their own truth, their own telos.
And while that protects us from dangerous groupthink, it’s also left us unmoored—adrift without shared direction.
Imagine humanity as a massive ship where each person is at their own oar, pulling toward a personal destination. The result? We spin in circles while the waters get rougher around us.
What If We Tried Something Different?
I keep returning to a thought experiment that both thrills and terrifies me:
What if we each lived our beautifully unique lives—shaped by our distinct personalities, experiences, and gifts—but anchored ourselves to three shared aims?
Living with wisdom as our guide
Contributing generously to the common good
Embodying love in our spheres of influence
I wonder if you’re already asking:
“Whose wisdom?”
“What if I have nothing to give?”
“Love doesn’t solve systemic injustice.”
And you’re right to push back. These are exactly the questions that keep me up at night—not because they defeat the vision, but because they’re the questions that might lead us somewhere worth going. In a future season of this blog, I'll unpack why I'm so focused on these three aims for life.
The Questions That Matter Today
Personally, I’m not as interested in abstract philosophical debates about the nature of meaning. I’m more interested in how we show up today—in our actual lives, with our real limitations, in this complicated, beautiful world.
So the practical questions become:
What wisdom am I actually living by, and is it leading us/the world toward flourishing?
How am I contributing what I have—however small—for the sake of those around me?
When does love flow through me naturally, and when do I choose it anyway?
These aren’t one-time questions and decisions. They’re daily, embodied choices—small acts that compound over time, literally reshaping your brain and your character.
Why Telos? Why Today?
Because the future is made by the actions we take today.
That's worth saying again: The future is made by the actions we take today.
Every moment you choose wisdom over reactivity, generosity over scarcity, love over fear—you’re not just changing your own neural pathways. You’re participating in the kind of transformation that could change everything.
But here’s the problem: knowing telos—ultimate aim—is one thing. Actually living it in a world designed to distract you from it? That’s where things get real.
In the next post, we’re going down the rabbit hole together to understand exactly how our minds are being shaped without our permission—and why that matters more than you might think.
The author of TELOS & today has worked as both a therapist and educator, exploring how neuroscience, technology, and spiritual formation intersect. These resources reflect years of experience guiding people toward growth—not by force, but by rewiring what we pay attention to and invest in.
To learn more about the vision behind this project, visit the About page.
